


Love Everlasting

by cynatnite



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, one mention of Sam Wilson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 08:17:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1421167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynatnite/pseuds/cynatnite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve remembers Bucky</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Everlasting

When he lived in New York City, Steve would bust a punching bag, tape it up and carry it home. He’d tear it up even more until there were just remnants for the trash bags. Those were the days when the past wouldn’t let go of him. Everything was yesterday while for the world it was so long ago that it wasn’t even worth discussing unless it was in a classroom.

The memories of New York City were too vivid and moving to DC was a logical step because of his frequent trips to meet with the politicians who could smooth the way for the Avengers to operate. Steve didn’t mind it so much, but then by the end of a photo op he usually felt like the dancing monkey the government had made of him during the war. He only wished he had a punching bag on those days.

Today was a behind closed doors hearing with an intelligence committee overseeing the funds for refitting the helicarrier. Fury had asked because Captain America’s presence would increase their chances of getting what they wanted after New York. The brief hearing turned into politicians trying to extract promises from him for their next campaigns. Staying apolitical was nearly impossible.

By the time he had returned to his place, he was exhausted from the smiling, handshaking, and just being passively gracious without committing too much of himself. He shook his head after taking a drink. He was no better than the damn politicians, he thought. Steve put on a record and as Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong sang Summertime he crossed the living room. After sitting on the sofa, his eyes caught the old photo on the coffee table.

A photographer had been at the Army base in Italy. Steve and Bucky were tossing a baseball back and forth that day, he remembered. They were having one of their grinning arguments about the 1932 versus the 1936 Yankee rosters. Less than a month earlier, he had rescued Bucky from the hands of Hydra and their sick scientists.

Steve sunk in the chair, leaned his head back and allowed his eyes to close. When he did, the smiling face of Bucky appeared. God, how he missed him. It had only been a few months…no, it had been over 70 years. Damn it, Bucky has been dead for decades, Steve miserably remembered. His chest ached from the realization. He made himself remember those first few days after the rescue. He was determined to not forget a single detail.

~*~

_He was excited to have his best friend back. Steve was nearly running to his quarters with Bucky laughing and grinning alongside him. He got to the door and unlocked it. Steve pushed it open and with a flourish, motioned for Bucky to go inside._

_“It’s not the Ritz, but still a hell of a lot better than the enlisted barracks.”_

_Bucky shook his head at the large quarters. Two separate beds, a full bathroom that wasn’t shared with 20 other GI’s, a telephone and other furniture. “You officers sure know how to live compared to use enlisted schmucks.”_

_“It does have its perks.” Steve closed the door. “There’s a footlocker under the bed and plenty of room in the closet.”_

_Bucky did and turned. “Are you sure about this, Steve? You’re supposed to be bunking with another officer.”_

_“The last guy snored so loudly that I think he broke some shingles on the roof loose. I already spoke with Phillips. He’s squaring everything away. Don’t worry, buddy. I got you covered.”_

_“Yeah,” Bucky opened his bag and took out a couple of t-shirts.”_

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“You know, when you didn’t show up to go dancing I went looking for you.”_

_Steve grabbed the chair and sat. “They shipped me out so fast that I never had a chance to get you a note and then I found out you had deployed during my training.”_

_“I was hoping you changed your mind about enlisting.”_

_“Do you still feel that way?”_

_Bucky kneeled and slid the footlocker out. “Right now? No. I’m alive. Ask me again in a month.”_

_Steve watched him pack his things in his footlocker. He stood and unbuttoned his uniform. “It bothers you, doesn’t it?”_

_“What?”_

_“That I’m different than you remember. You’re not sure that I’m the same kid from Brooklyn.”_

_Bucky stopped what he was doing and stood. “Well, you’re not. Just look at you.”_

_“That’s not what I meant.” Steve wasn’t going to hide his aggravation._

_“I know what you meant. You are the same guy, Steve. You’re still the bravest man I know.”_

_“I always thought that about you.”_

_“Are you kidding?” Bucky said with a bit of a grin. “I had it easy. You stood up for anyone who couldn’t stand up for themselves even when you knew you were going to get your head smashed. I always admired that about you.”_

_Steve snorted and shook his head. “Getting beat up in alleys isn’t something to admire, Bucky.”_

_“Being brave is and after I got my orders, I’d never been so scared in my life. I knew I wasn’t coming back.” Bucky dumped out what was left in his bag, then dropped it to the floor. “I’ve always known that.”_

_That was when Steve crossed the floor. “Hey, we’re all going home after the war’s over. You gotta believe that.”_

_“Let me ask you something.” Bucky stepped closer to Steve. “All of this.” He motioned at Steve. “Are you okay? I mean did this hurt you or anything?”_

_“I feel great,” Steve admitted with a half-smile. “I think I could run to Germany and back without breaking a sweat. I’m not sure exactly what it was that Erskine did, but it worked. They just can’t duplicate it since he’s dead.”_

_“It’s just strange, you know. It looks great on you, though.”_

_“What about you? Did the doctors say anything?”_

_Bucky shrugged. “I’m fine. I feel pretty damn good myself actually. Just still trying to acclimate to you. At least now you’ll have no problem with the women…especially that pretty Agent Carter.”_

_“She’s great, isn’t she?”_

_“That was a killer dress. Have you and her...?”_

_“No. I like her, but right now with the war it’s just…”_

_“Sure, I get that, Steve. After the war.”_

_“Yeah.” For some reason Steve couldn’t tear his eyes away from Bucky’s. He had no idea why either._

_Bucky finally spoke. “You know, maybe this isn’t a good idea. I should really bunk with the other enlisted.”_

_“No, you can’t.” Steve suddenly felt awkward and clumsy. “I mean, I really want you to stay.”_

_“I shouldn’t.” Bucky reached for his bag on the floor and put it on the bed. “This was an even worse idea than I thought.”_

_“Why?”_

_Bucky shook his head and closed his eyes. “God, Steve, I wish I could say. I’ll just get out of your hair.”_

_“Not until you tell me what’s going on with you.” Steve took hold of Bucky’s arm and turned him around. “Please, Buck. You can tell me.”_

_“Do you remember Fred Markowitz from school?”_

_“From the old neighborhood? Sure. We used to toss pennies behind his father’s shop.”_

_“Do you remember when he got beat up and put in the hospital for a week.”_

_“They never caught the jerks that did it.”_

_“It was because of me, Steve. They saw me and Fred and chased us. I was able to outrun them, but Fred couldn’t.”_

_“I don’t understand, Bucky.”_

_“We were…uh…shit.” Bucky was nearly hyperventilating and he sat down on the bed._

_Steve was right there with his hands on Bucky’s arms. “Take it easy. Breathe in and out slow. It’s okay.”_

_When Bucky was calmed he finally was able to talk. “I just don’t want you to hate me or anything. I couldn’t bear it, Steve.”_

_“Let me tell you something. I will always be here for you no matter what. There is nothing that will ever change that. You got me?”_

_Bucky nodded. “I know you believe that, but when I tell you…”_

_“Nothing will ever keep you from being my best friend. Nothing. You’ve got my word.”_

_When Steve Rogers gives his word, that was it. “Thanks.”_

_Steve smiled. “It’s okay. You can tell me.”_

_“Fred and me…they chased us because they caught us kissing, Buck.”_

_“Kissing? As in…” Steve started to say ‘a peck on the cheek’ then he realized what Bucky was saying. “Oh, I see. Why were you and Fred kissing?”_

_“We’d been talking and we realized we were alike about things. We both like guys, Steve.”_

_“The way guys like girls, right?”_

_Bucky nodded and waited for Steve’s reaction._

_“Can I ask you something?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Do you like girls at all?”_

_“Well, yeah. I mean they smell nice, soft in all the right places and there’s Agent Carter’s dress, but I prefer men.”_

_“So you and Fred are a couple then?”_

_“No, we were just fooling around. I mean we liked it a lot, but it was never serious or anything.”_

_“Okay.” Steve stood and got a bottle of scotch out and poured a drink. “You want one?”_

_“Shit, yeah, I could use one.”_

_Steve smiled a little as he filled a second glass. He carried it to Bucky. “So what does that have to do with you changing your mind about staying here?”_

_Bucky looked like he was going to hyperventilate again and took a drink instead. “Me first. It doesn’t bother you that I like men over women?”_

_“Not sure why it should. You’re still the same guy from five minutes ago.”_

_“Maybe it will when I tell you that I’m in love with you, Steve.”_

_Steve was sure he didn’t hear right. He finished off his glass and set it aside. Then he sat on his bed. “Are you sure?”_

_“As sure as anybody can be when they’re in love. Telling you was a hell of a lot scarier than getting killed in the war.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Jesus, Steve, I’ve been so damn scared of losing you. You have no idea what you’ve meant to me. When we were kids, you were my best friend. As we got older, I saw you…really saw you as someone with integrity, bravery, and passion. It was all the things I’m not. How can anyone not love you?_

_“God, Buck. I had no idea.”_

_Bucky lowered his head and took a deep breath. When he tried to blink back the tears, he failed. They still dropped from his eyes. He wiped one away with his thumb. “I’m sorry.”_

_That was when Steve went to him and got down on one knee in front of Bucky. “Never be sorry for your feelings. Do you hear me? Never hide them from me again.”_

_Bucky reached over and touched Steve’s face. “Remember when we were at the World’s Fair and we fought about you enlisting. It wasn’t because I thought you were weak or small. It was because I was scared of losing you. I’d rather die than let anything happen to you.”_

_Steve took his hand and held it. “When I was told what happened to the 107 th, I knew you weren’t dead. I just knew it. You were all I could think about. Nothing was going to stand in my way in getting to you.”_

_“What are you saying?”_

_“I just realized how important you are in my life and that I can’t imagine you not in it.”_

_Bucky pulled away and stood. Then he stepped around Steve and began refilling his bag. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Steve. Anyone found out and we’d both be dead. Out of the Army if we’re lucky.”_

_“Stop it.” Steve forced Bucky to stop. “Don’t turn away from me, Buck. I don’t want you to leave. Please.”_

_With his head low, Bucky shook his head. “You have no idea what it means to me that you might feel the same way.”_

_“Might?” That was when Steve turned him around and framed Bucky’s face with his hands. “The last few days have told me what I should’ve realized years ago. I do love you, Buck.”_

_When Steve’s lips pressed against Bucky’s, he felt the world tilt just a little. He was sure that Bucky felt it, too. The man’s hands were on his arms to steady himself. Steve moved his body in closer and he felt Bucky’s belt buckle catch on his shirt. Knowing they were so close made him feel warm all over._

_Bucky broke the kiss and leaned into Steve. He put his arms around his shoulders. “You’re a great kisser.”_

_“Thanks.” Steve was sure he was blushing. “I don’t think I want to stop.”_

_“If we don’t, this will definitely progress past that.”_

_“I came too close to losing you already before knowing how we really feel. I most definitely want to progress.”_

_Bucky grinned and rested his chin on Steve’s shoulder. “Me, too.”_

_Steve put his arms around Bucky’s waist and he pulled at the shirt. “I think we should try my bed.” Steve slid his hands under the shirt, then the t-shirt until he felt smooth skin on the palms of his hands._

_“God, yeah,” Bucky breathed. He pulled Steve’s lips to his and moved them until the mouth surrendered to him. With easy slowness, Bucky took his time learning all that there was. He memorized the contour of Steve’s lips, the feel of his teeth and the taste of the inside of his mouth._

_The kiss was broken so they could remove each other’s clothes. With each item removed, they touched, kissed and breathed in every part of their bodies. Each man whispered to one another words of love and desire as their need for each other grew._

_When nothing was left but their nakedness, they eased to Steve’s bed and rolled into each other with skin to skin, body to body and heat to heat. As their mouths melded together with their hunger for each other growing, they pushed their erections together and rode the wild storm of pleasure. What began as a slow tender exploration was now a turbulent wave of desire and need._

_The climax was like a roller coaster hitting its peak and then speeding down leaving the heart and the stomach fluttering with excitement. They clung to each other as they rode the thrill ride and when Bucky was screaming his release, Steve covered his mouth with his lips._

_Afterwards, they collapsed next to each other with grins on their faces. Steve turned his head to Bucky. “We have got to do that again!”_

_“Just give me a few minutes,” Bucky laughed. “Maybe ten or fifteen.”_

_Steve pushed himself up on his elbows. “Me, too. We could have sex several times before the night’s done.”_

_“You sure have a lot of faith in my stamina. You’re a super-soldier. I have no doubt about yours.”_

_Feeling cocky, Steve put his hands behind his head. “I’ll try not to wear you out.”_

_Bucky eyed the bathroom. “Is that shower big enough for two?”_

_“We’ll fit.”_

_“You’ve always been so sure of yourself. Now I see why.”_

_Steve watched the smile leave Bucky’s face and the pensiveness returned. “What is it?”_

_“I wish we could stay like this. You have no idea how long I dreamed for us like this, just us two.” Bucky glanced at the door leading outside. “But the war is just on the other side of that door and it won’t stay away.”_

_“When it’s over…”_  
  


_“Since when are you the dreamer?” Bucky stood and went to the bathroom. He returned with a towel. After cleaning himself, he went to Steve and did the same. “There’s no life for us after the war and you know it.”_

_Steve sat up. “The world is changing, Bucky. We’re going to win this thing and then we’ll make a life together.”_

_“You’re right about that. The world is changing, Steve. Just not that much. People like us…me…are getting killed. Hitler rounded them all up or haven’t you heard?”_

_“Yeah, I’ve heard.” Steve got off the bed and grabbed his boxers. “I’m not giving up on us. I can’t. You shouldn’t either.”_

_“I’m trying not to. Maybe if you had enough hope for the both of us.”_

_“Come here,” Steve said. When Bucky was close, he pulled him in for a deep kiss to make sure his lover got the message. “I love you and we’re going to make it.”_

_“I love you, too.”_

~*~

When Steve woke still in his chair, the apartment was bathed in an orange-gold hue from the morning sun. He lifted his head and saw Bucky’s photo on his chest. When he gazed at it he was forced to remember the pain of the loss.

On the outside, Steve had to be the good soldier. He had to march, follow orders and serve his country. On the inside, he was broken, alone and hurt. For him, the loss was only a few short months ago and there was no doubt that even 70 years from now, his heart would ache from the heaviness of it.

Steve got up, stripped off yesterday’s jeans and t-shirt and put on a pair of sweats and another shirt. He needed a strong vigorous workout to not only get the kinks out of his muscles from sleeping in the chair, but also to ease the permanent ache in his gut.

As he left his building, Steve took a hard run towards the National Mall.

As he passed a runner, he said, “On your left.”

END

 


End file.
